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School Secretary Desk Signs...

Each business-card-sized (2” x 3.5”), 40-card set, comes with a plastic holder--just like the business card holders you often see on desks. The price for each set of 40 cards is $5.00. Here are the various quips and quotes on this set:

WHOEVER SAID THAT MONEY CAN'T BUY FRIENDS...
     Obviously never brought bagels to this office!

EVERY TASK...
     Takes longer than you think it will!

THE BRAIN IS A WONDERFUL ORGAN...
     It starts working the moment you get up and does not stop until you get to work!

DON'T ASK ME TO THINK...
     I was hired for my looks!

CHAOS, PANIC, AND DISORDER...
     My work here is almost done!

THE SOONER I FALL BEHIND IN MY WORK...
     The more time I'll have to catch up!

I'M NOT DEAF...
     I'm ignoring you!

MY POLICY...
     Is always to blame the computer!

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE...
     For the person who doesn't have to do it!

SOME DAYS YOU'RE THE BUG...
     And, some days you're the windshield!

WHEN I WOKE UP THIS MORNING...
     I had one nerve left, and now you're getting on it!

MY DESK MAY BE CLUTTERED...
     But my mind is empty!

WARNING!
     These premises are guarded by an attack secretary!

LIFE IS AN ENDLESS STRUGGLE...
     Full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like!

I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU OUT...
     Which way did you come in?

COPIER IS OUT OF ORDER...
     No...  We cannot fix it
     Yes... We have called the service person.
     Yes... She will be here today.
     No...  We do not know how long it will take.
     No... We do not know what caused it.
     No... We do not know who broke it.
     Yes... We are keeping it.
     No... We do not know what you are going to do.
     Yes... We know what we can do with it!

IF YOU ATTEMPT TO GET BETWEEN ME AND MY WORK...
     You will have a good chance of success.

NOTICE TO THIEVES...
     Anything in, or on, this desk is like my husband:
     Not worth stealing!

YOU CAN BE VERY SURE THAT ANY PROMISE I MAKE...
     Will be kept, partially kept, or broken!

OUT OF MY MIND...
     Be back in five minutes!

PLEASE STAND BY...
     I'm experiencing a temporary loss of motivation!

TELL ME AGAIN HOW LUCKY I AM TO BE WORKING HERE...
     I keep forgetting!

YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO...
     That there is a woman in charge of every school in this country--and it ain't the principal!

DESK HOURS:
     Some mornings or afternoons, I'm not here at all, but lately I've been here just about all the time. Except when I'm someplace else. But I should be here then too!

CRISIS IN PROGRESS...
     Please do not disturb!
    
NOBODY NOTICES WHAT I DO AROUND HERE...
     Until I don't do it!

          ANSWERS PRICE LIST...
              Answers........................................2.00
              Answers (requiring thought...............3.00
              Answers (correct)...........................4.00
              Intelligent answers without sarcasm...5.00

                         (Dumb looks are still free!)

BEFORE YOU GIVE ME A PIECE OF YOUR MIND...
     Are you sure you can afford it?

A WOMAN HAS TO DO TWICE AS MUCH AS A MAN...
     To be considered half as good. Fortunately, this isn't difficult!

HAVE A NICE DAY...
     (Unless, of course, you've already made other plans.)

MY JOB...
     It's not my place to run the train,
     The whistle I cannot blow.
     It's not my place to say how far,
     The train is allowed to go.
     It's not my place to shoot off steam,
     Nor even clang the bell.
     But, let the dam thing jump the track...
     And see who catches he__!

PLEASE DON'T RUSH ME...
     I'm making mistakes as fast as I can!

NO COFFEE...
     No workee!

FRIENDLY SARCASM...
     It's just one more service I offer!

TABLE OF HELPFUL EXCUSES...
     (To save time, I will just give you a number.)
      1. That's the way we've always done it.
      2. I didn't know you were in a hurry for it.
      3. That's her job, not mine!
      4. I didn't think it was very important.
      5. I've been busy, I just can't get around to it.
      6. I thought I told you.
      7. I wasn't hired to do that.

PLEASE ENGAGE BRAIN...
     Before starting tongue!

DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?

"WHEN ANGRY COUNT TO FOUR...
     ...when very angry, swear." ...Mark Twain

I WELCOME YOUR ADVICE AND CRITICISM...
     And always rush them through the proper channels!
     (One flush usually does it.)

PLEASE, DO NOT ASK FOR INFORMATION...
     If I knew anything, do you think I would be here?

Paperbacks For Educators
426 West Front St.
Washington, Missouri 63090
314-960-3015

paperbacks@usmo.com

 

 

 

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