When co-parents live around the corner from each other or even across town, they can easily split the holidays, the children with one parent on Christmas Eve and the other parent on Christmas Day, writes Dr. Jann Blackstone. However, when you live an hour away from your co-parent, or two or three hours, and try to shuffle the kids back-and-forth because the court order says you are supposed to share the children’s time on a holiday, you have to ask yourself, “Is this really in the best interest of my children?�
When co-parents live around the corner from each other or even across town, they can easily split the holidays, the children with one parent on Christmas Eve and the other parent on Christmas Day, writes Dr. Jann Blackstone. However, when you live an hour away from your co-parent, or two or three hours, and try to shuffle the kids back-and-forth because the court order says you are supposed to share the children’s time on a holiday, you have to ask yourself, “Is this really in the best interest of my children?�
Ex-etiquette is a weekly column. Each week I answer your questions about breaking up, starting over and co-parenting. In a recent column I made a comment about not being in favor of co-parents splitting the holidays. Because my readers felt this was out of character, I got a lot of email. Comments like, “You always say children have the right to time with both parents. How can you say you are not in favor of splitting the holidays? I thought you were about what’s fair.�
Of course, I am. But the truth is, parenting plans are written for the parents, and the first rule of good ex-etiquette is, “Put the children first.� It’s difficult for children to do things like get up in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner because they are scheduled to be at the other parent’s home at a specific time. And when parents tell me, “It’s not me! That’s what it said in the court order!� it is a little crazy-making to me. Many parents simply don’t know they can agree to adjust the court order any time they want.
