Brine shrimp, like petitions against Empowerment Scholarship Accounts (ESAs)鈥攙ouchers for families who remove their children from public school and receive about $7,000 per student (more if the child lives with disabilities) to pay for private school and homeschooling supplies鈥攁re not as easy as they look. I have worked on two ballot initiative campaigns. The first was to increase taxes on the wealthy to provide more funding to public schools. Although the Red for Ed petition gatherers acquired far more signatures than necessary, the Arizona Supreme Court threw out the petitions because the wording may have been confusing. Just last fall, another petition drive to prevent the universal expansion of vouchers failed because we misjudged the number of signatures we thought we鈥檇 gained. 鈥淵ou can鈥檛 win for losing,鈥� seems an appropriate expression to cling to. 鈥淪ometimes you鈥檙e the windshield. Sometimes you鈥檙e the bug,鈥� fits pretty well, too.
So, in big news, similar to the time we did indeed have enough signatures, let me continue from last month鈥檚 brine shrimp saga. If you recall, I put some brine shrimp eggs in some water and waited. And waited. And waited. I gave up and put the Mason jar in the pantry. Every couple of days, I jostled them to aerate the water and to activate life, like some insecure God.
But, just after I published my last Flag Live column, over Christmas, I pulled the jar out and what to my wondering eyes did appear? Twelve miniature shrimp, prancing just like reindeer. I was so excited. Life! Possibility! Hope! All in a single bottle. I congratulated them. I told them, 鈥淕ood job.鈥� I aerated their water with a burbling straw. I fed them dashes of algae. I called my sister, Paige.
鈥淕uess what?鈥� I asked her.
鈥淲丑补迟?鈥�
鈥淭hey hatched.鈥� I sent her a video.
鈥淭he ones with big claws primary appendages are male,鈥� she told me.
I squinted but couldn鈥檛 quite tell claw from head. They all looked beautiful to me, their white wings fluttering like angels鈥�.
I had fully given up on the brine shrimp ever hatching. I moved on to other hobbies like the NYT Spelling Bee and writing letters of recommendation. And, then, out of nowhere, or, seemingly nowhere, they were alive. Like magic. Like the Red for Ed initiative. We made it!
I watched those angels bustle about their 16 oz Mason Jar. I could stare at them for hours. I was falling in love all over again. But then, like the AZ Supreme Court, I meddled. First, I decided they needed a bigger jar. I upgraded them to a 32 oz Mason Jar. Then, if you remember from my last column, I had purchased all these shrimp accessories. Braided sticks and leaves and little seed pods. I wouldn鈥檛 just give them life. I鈥檇 give them a playground. (OK. The metaphor fails here because the AZ Supreme Court elected to remove playgrounds. And art. And music. And reasonable pay for teachers. Still. Bear with me.)
Those shrimp loved that braided stick. They swam through the holes in the stick, playing a miniature version of hide and go seek. They ate new snacks and fluttered about in a leaf and seed pod ecosystem that any brine shrimp would love.
Or, rather, any regular shrimp would love. When I checked on my baby shrimp the next day, I didn鈥檛 see them floating. I shook the jar鈥攕ince that is what seemed to give them life originally. I saw them! They floated. And then, like the ballot initiative, they sank to the bottom. The adage to think of here? 鈥淒ead as a doornail.鈥�
I killed them. In one fell stick-leaf-seedpod-infused swoop. Call me the AZ Supreme Court. Call me initiative murderer. Call me destroyer of hope.
Also call me a relentless optimist because I scooped another spoonful of brine shrimp into another 16 oz Mason Jar and tucked it back in the closet.
Giving up is funny business. I have despaired so long about Arizona public school funding that I too had become resigned to the result of Governor Ducey鈥檚 plan for public schools. With the ESA Vouchers, Arizona is on track to have a billion-dollar deficit in 2025. But, like brine shrimp in a closet, Katie Hobbes has been incubating an idea of how to get the voucher program in check. Hobbes鈥� budget proposes to limit ESA voucher recipients to only those who previously attended public schools, saving the state almost $250 million in FY 25. She also plans to rein in luxury expenses. As ABC15 reported, Among the $2 million in music expenses, ABC15 found some people buying pianos for their homes. One transaction was for nearly $4,000. 鈥淭hese are absolutely allowable,鈥� John Ward, executive director of the ESA program for the Arizona Department of Education, said. 鈥淣ow, if it was a luxury piano, some type of grand piano, baby grand, we may not approve that as a luxury item.鈥� In ABC15鈥檚 analysis of the 2022-2023 ESA transactions, they found:
$3,400 spent on a single transaction at a golf store.
A $10,000 expense at a sewing machine company
Appliances that freeze dry food. Average cost? $3,000 each. (According to the ESA program, this is no longer an allowable expense)
More than 100 passes to Arizona Snowbowl ski resort
$350,000 for ninja warrior training centers, trampoline parks, and climbing gyms.
$1.2 million spent on martial arts instruction.
鈥淭he vast majority of purchases that are coming through are completely allowable,鈥� Ward said.
My kids attended public schools. They also took martial arts and piano lessons. We bought a used piano for $700. But, silly us, we didn鈥檛 think that the state should pay for our kids鈥� extracurricular activities. We foolishly didn鈥檛 submit for reimbursement the cost of the piano. Although $3,400 seems like a big single purchase at a golf store, I didn鈥檛 think how educational golf could be. The kid has got to learn how to golf if he鈥檚 going to keep up with the other wealthy kids. How else will the legislature help the rich get richer? Skiing, ninja warring, trampoline parks and climbing gyms aren鈥檛 cheap either. It makes total sense that it鈥檚 up to the 鈥渞egular folk鈥� to support those private school kids who want to expand their horizons. Why shouldn鈥檛 they be allowed to ninja for free? They went to the work of filling out those voucher forms! All we do is donate to our kids鈥� classrooms, chaperone field trips, petition for higher teacher pay, volunteer for PTO and drive our kids to their after-school activities where we write our checks and know the state will not be reimbursing us.
I am perennially hopeful. Right now, Hobbes鈥檚 budget is just a jar of brine shrimp eggs. But, perhaps if we jostle the jar just enough鈥攚rite our legislators, get the petitions out one more time, write letters to the editor about how the vouchers are gutting our schools, vote for public school advocates in 2024鈥攚ell, maybe we will look in that jar and see those angels of promise swim.