She was a tiny, god-fearing lady and my father鈥檚 mother. Married at 14, she left her home in Arkansas for a new home in Muskogee, Oklahoma. In 1926, hardship and poverty drove her and her husband and their three children west to live near his brothers in Salinas, California. They got as far as Phoenix and put down roots. Where she lived until her passing.
She kept a warm and loving home. Her meals were feasts, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She called me Sugar. We would spend a week at her home every summer, at 27th Avenue and Butler in Phoenix. We sizzled during the day and played goofy golf at night. She went to church every Sunday, a devout southern Baptist whose faith found no purchase in the souls of her children.
She neither spoke nor tolerated profanity in her home. My father, whose appreciation for the powerful effect cussing could have on a conversation showed remarkable restraint in her presence. His few lapses prompted from her a stern 鈥淎lvis Henry.鈥� His apologies were heartfelt. He loved his mother, as did we all.
One afternoon, my siblings went to the movies with our aunt. I stayed behind to help Grandma hang a painting in her bedroom. I was eleven years old and was adept at fetching tools if not with using them.
Grandma stood on the bed in her stockinged feet to hang a landscape painting above the headboard that Dad had given her for her birthday.
鈥淪ugar,鈥� she said, 鈥淗and me the hammer and a nail.鈥� She moved unsteadily on the bedding as she centered herself. She held the nail in her left hand and swung the hammer with her right. She missed the nail. As she danced atop the bed shaking her throbbing thumb, this is what she said.
鈥淥uch, land鈥檚 sakes, oh my goodness gracious, H-E-double hockey sticks, fiddle-faddle, for Pete鈥檚 sake, tarnation, Christopher Columbus, consarnit, dadgummit, fooey, fudge, holy smokes, jumping Jehosaphat, Oh my, darn, dang, dad gummit, son of a gun, suffering succotash, Cheese and crackers, Judas Priest, holy cow, drat, gee whillikers, cotton-pickin鈥�, good gravy, for cryin鈥� out loud, holy mackerel, holy Moses, holy cow, son of a biscuit, Jiminy Cricket, gee whiz.
鈥淕eez Louise, dadburn, Leo Carillo, odds bodkins, drat, heck, good grief, gosh, great Caesar鈥檚 ghost, criminy, jeepers creepers, gol-darn, sheesh, gosh dang it to heck, heavens to Betsy, shucks, house afire, sakes alive, holy guacamole, great balls of fire, frack, shoot, cripes, egad, what the hey, gosh, mother of pearl, peas and rice, coconuts, William Holden, corn nuts, son of a monkey, leaping lizards, ay caramba.
鈥淪hazam, fiddle dee dee, confound it, by Jupiter, criminy, Barbara Stanwyck, for pity鈥檚 sake, gee whiz, sunny beaches, balderdash, shish kabob, rats, nuts and bolts, oh my word, son of a beehive.
鈥淥h my stars, well I鈥檒l be darned, shucks, oh my giddy aunt, horse feathers, sheesh, bejabbers, thunderation, G. Rover Cripes, God bless America.鈥�