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Cocodona: 2

Brea: 0

This year was my second attempt at a Cocodona 250 finish. I dropped at Mingus (108 miles) after struggling from Fain Ranch with the muddy, consistently drizzly conditions. 

I feel OK with this decision, because I was not having fun and was not looking forward to everything I knew was ahead (another night of drizzles and many more miles of mud to slog through). The disappointing part was that I put in the most solid training I ever have for a race and prepping for Cocodona has eaten my life alive for the past two years.

While I do love this race -- the people, aid stations and energy are incredible -- I think I am also ready to put racing it to bed for now. Instead, I’ll look forward to crewing, pacing and/or volunteering here in the future.

If I were honest with myself, I would admit that I’m just not “good� at distances that are over 100K (with respect to the mental handling of racing, less so the physical running part). I typically stop having fun past that point, and I just don’t care enough about finishing to force myself through what’s not fun.

This is a big reason why I don’t race a bunch -- especially the longer distances. Ever since I knocked out my Badwater 135-mile goal (now a whole decade ago), my motivation has slowed. Last year, I was really, really beating myself up about this because I’m so inspired by all my incredibly capable, tough ultra-running friends. This year, I am choosing to recognize that I am Brea (not my friends or inspirations) and that is OK.

I don’t think realizing this will mean that I won’t ever race something over 100K in the future (sometimes I do surprise myself and it is always an adventure), but I’m done with internalizing the shame and comparing myself to others. Let’s be real: ultra running is just one of my hobbies. I don’t shame myself over my other hobbies and want to love running into old age -- so why should I let shame in here?

Some big positives from my Cocodona experience this year: tummy did great, Aunt Flo did not come out to pace like she did last year, no chafing, I took some of the punches that were thrown at me really well, and the cool weather made hydration management so much easier.

Shoutout to my amazing crew: Anthony, Nikita, Cready, Jorge, Sierra and Joe (and honorary mentions to crew support: Anthony’s grandma and Chelsea). Special shoutout to Sam and Georgia’s crew for taking care of me at Crown King. Lots of gratitude and love to all the volunteers and event staff, and to all the runners I was able to share miles with. I am thankful for our sport, our community and for the health that lets me take on crazy adventures.